Why Do I Do It?

As a somewhat closed off person, I often ask myself why I am able to share so much of my life in my writing. I purposely write ambiguously and never disclose specifics about my situation, but rather about the lesson learned and generalities about what led up to it. The initiation of the writing happens because I need to make sense of something that has happened, something I have experienced, or something that I am feeling. Often times, I don’t even know what the lesson is I need to learn, and by the end of my blog piece, I have taught myself. Other times, I get an epiphany or am talked to by a friend and I realize the value in an experience I have had. Regardless, I write to teach myself about how I want to view the world, about how I want to live my life.

While this helps me with self-development and is extremely therapeutic, there is no reason why I need to write these posts for the public eye, and then take it one step further by pressing “share” on my different newsfeeds.

I don’t do it for attention. I don’t do it for money. I don’t do it because I enjoy being an open book. I don’t do it for any of those things.

So why do I do it? Even after multiple criticisms and excessive checking of the post after I press “publish” to make sure no one is judging me for it, why do I continue? And further, why am I becoming even more candid with my writing and slowly opening up even more?

The answer, is connection.

I do it for the texts that say, “I really needed that today, thanks.” I do it for the comments that say, “I can totally relate, well done.” I do it for the connections that I don’t even see, the ones that might not even be there, but the ones that maybe, I am silently and unknowingly making with someone I hardly even know.

I do it for the butterflies I feel when someone reaches out to me after I post a vulnerable and deeply intrinsic piece. The urge I get to dance around my kitchen and smile from ear to ear.

I yearn to make a difference in the world, to help others achieve their dreams and see the possibility in their lives. It just so happens that disclosing my experiences in life is what allows me to do this – at least for now.

Will I connect with everyone? No. Will I suffer some repercussions from sharing so many of my thoughts? Possibly.

Will I help even one person, even if that person is myself?

The answer, is yes. And in the case of fulfilling my desire to connect with and help others, that “yes” is better than any other “no.”