I'm Sorry

Today, I apologized for who I am. "I know I'm a lot to handle sometimes. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that sometimes I seem discontent. I'm sorry that I always come up with ideas and jump from one thing to the next. I never want to seem ungrateful or unhappy, because I am so grateful and so happy... I always am. I'm sorry that I dream of more—that's just who I am."

I got home, opened my computer, went to my website to do some editing, and then I stopped.

"You can be in love with one thousand views and skylines and souls and minds at once. Don’t apologize for your burn, your passion, or your enthusiasm.”

The text on the bottom of my website's homepage was staring me dead in the eye. 

I have read this quote hundreds of times. It's pinned to the top of my Twitter feed, it's published on the home page of my website, it's one of my "favorite" quotes. I see it daily, often more than once.

But tonight, for the first time, I think I actually listened to it—I truly saw it for what it was.

I'm done apologizing (well for the big things, anyway).

I dream of big things. As my mom says "my brain is on fire," and I constantly get new ideas. I plan my day down to the most minuscule of details. I change my mind often. I am sometimes extremely type A, and I am sometimes extremely type B. I'm weird, I'm laid-back, I'm uptight. I share a lot on social media. I'm enthusiastic and positive. I'm graceful yet spastic. I set goals, and I don't always achieve them. I appear to have no emotion, but we all know that's not true. I'm obsessed with passion. I'm not content with simply going through the motions. I refuse to settle. I like to have (sometimes too much) fun. I give too many disclaimers. I'm a worrier.

I'm a lot to handle sometimes.

And I'm not going to apologize for it anymore.

All of things that I am constantly sorry for because I see the potential of someone finding it annoying, I'm not sorry anymore.

I'm not sorry that I have a passion for life. I'm not sorry that I am overwhelmed with all of the possibilities and opportunities around me. I'm not sorry for my enthusiasm.

I don't want to apologize for my flaws anymore. I don't want to be sorry for who I am, how I am, or what I want.

I'm not apologizing for who I am anymore, but if you run into me in the aisle at the grocery store, you can bet I'll say sorry multiple times... it's about baby steps after all.

*And to those of you who know all of these things and more about me, put up with me, and still keep me around, thank you. You are who matters most.