Do it for the insta

If no one else feels this way, well then I guess this is post is pretty vulnerable, and maybe a little embarrassing. 

But here we are. 

I’ll start by telling you what I did but 30 seconds ago. 

I wrote those first two lines. I took a swig of coffee. I looked up at my computer screen and I was staring at Twitter.

I don’t even remember consciously opening up that tab. \

I guess it’s good I’m writing this post. 

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Existing

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can’t really focus on anything for more than a few minutes without getting distracted. How I can’t get on an elevator without taking out my phone. How I can’t just “be."

I’ve tried a few things. 

I’ve tried riding the T in Boston and making a conscious decision to not take out my phone. I found myself feeling awkward in my own existence. As I’ve done this quite a few times now, I can bet you that I now know about pretty much every advertisement placed inside the T. Why? Well because... OMG how weird do I look just sitting here doing nothing? So creepy. So awkward. So weird.

I’ve tried going to get a drink at a bar and not taking out my phone. The way I acted without it, you’d think I was a huge sports fan. As I sat at a bar in Boston with my drink and myself — existing — I suddenly decided that the Laker game that was on was the most important thing I had ever seen. As were the commercials — I was glued. Where else would I look and focus my attention if it weren’t on SOMETHING that made sense? For a brief moment I pulled my head away from the screen and looked down the bar. I saw a myriad of people looking down at their cell phones. For certain they were checking other scores, or their email, or their texts, or their Instagram, or their Snapchats.

I’ve tried sitting down and writing my book that doesn’t yet exist without checking something — anything on my phone to allow me to get into “flow.” 

I’ve failed.

Oh shoot, I just checked Twitter again. 

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Do it for the Insta

I think a lot about how quickly time seems to be going by lately. How some trips, days, weeks, months — years feel more like a dream than anything that really happened to me. This of course comes with the territory of growing up in some regard. How often have we heard our parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles tell us to enjoy it because before you know it, it’ll be gone? 

And yet, I strongly feel that a large reason life seems to be going by quicker and quicker — that years of my life seem but a dream — is because I’m looking at it through a screen.

I’ll admit this is overly dramatic. I’ve had plenty of amazing memories and times the past several years that didn’t involve me being tethered to a digital device, but this is still very much true. 

Here’s where it gets embarrassing if no one else is with me. I realized recently that often when I think about things I’d like to get for my apartment to decorate, outfits I’d like to wear, places I’d like to go, cities I’d like to live, trips I’m going to go on — when I think about the future in general — I think about the cute Instagram photo that will inevitably come of it. 

When I think about a new job, I think about the post saying how honored I am to start a new chapter. When I think about moving to a new city, I think about the announcement. When I’m making a large decision, I often think, well THAT’S not good enough to post for everyone to see. So THAT can’t be what’s right for my life.

When did this become normal? When did this become OK? 

It’s didn’t. Even though it is a normalcy in my every day, it’s not, nor should it be normal. 

Because I’m better than that. You’re better than that. We deserve better than that. 

And I, and maybe we, need to remember that.

It’s like, when did the online version of ourself begin to dictate the decisions we make for our real life? 

Shouldn’t it be the opposite? 

Shouldn’t we make decisions for ourselves, and, if we want to, share them with our family and friends rather than making decisions so that we can post a photo? 

—

Extreme Popularity

We all want to be popular, well-liked — have friends. We want to be successful, network, and build full lives we love. 

The problem I have found, is that now it is not good enough to simply be well-liked by your family, friends, neighbors, colleagues — circle. It is now only good enough to be well-liked (like literally, well “liked,”) by everyone. 

Not only do we have the pressure to connect with and be there for our close friends and family in our real lives, but we feel the need to be liked and connected online with our friends from elementary school, college, any walk of life ever, and even those we don’t know — even those that might not even exist. 

Now, something I really do like about myself is my ability to continuously keep in touch with loved ones from all walks of my life. However, feeling as though every single person that I’ve ever met and has followed me on Instagram must think I’m awesome and be inspired by me and think I’m doing the right things and think I'm successful and pretty and well-dressed and funny — well that’s just plain exhausting (and totally ridiculous).

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Hamster Wheel

I do often feel caught in a hamster wheel I can’t get out of. Posting, checking my feed, looking at my likes, being happy where I am and then seeing someone somewhere else and wanting to be elsewhere — doing it over again. Even when I make a conscious effort to stop posting on social media I can’t help but see the negatives. Last night for example, I had an amazing day in San Diego with family. Before bed, I checked my Instagram feed and saw my friends in Boston at a concert and felt the “FOMO." I now had a wonderful day that ended in a bit of a sinking feeling that I was not elsewhere. 

But I was there. 

I was where I was. Right where I was supposed to be. 

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Balance

I’ll also say here that I am not saying social media needs to go away or that it is all bad. I’m a social media manager by day so by no means do I not see the value. I think the platforms are amazing for sharing great messages, staying in touch with family and friends, helping businesses and small business owners specifically, and if used correctly, it is a great place to explore creativity through writing and awesome visuals and photos.

I simply hope we all check-in sometimes. I hope we allow ourselves to get into a state of flow and focus on work that matters to us. I hope we all realize that life is happening while we’re on our phone — and not just on social media. While we’re checking our email (guilty), our team’s score (guilty), our Snapchat feed (guilty) — people are walking by us. Clouds are moving above us. Kids are laughing next to us. Flowers are blooming. The wind is rushing. 

Life is happening.

And we need to be there to see it — to feel it. 

To enjoy it. 

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A Question

What would you want to do if you had no device? What would really make you happy? Would it be that cute Instagrammable cup of coffee? Maybe it would, but maybe it wouldn’t. 

I’d rather live a life in which I control my device rather than a life in which my device controls me. 

I don’t want to do it for the Insta, not anymore. 

—

P.S. 

Proof

This last weekend, Friday night through Saturday night I basically stayed off my phone while I enjoyed cocktail hours, dinners, and even a trip to the SD Zoo with family. While I wasn’t fully away from my phone and did end up posting some Instagrams at the end, I made a conscious effort to stay away. 

To experience my experience. 

To make a memory. 

To enjoy it. 

To give myself, the place I was in, and the people around me the attention they deserved.

And man… did it feel, while a little uncomfortable, nice.

Wait, you mean no one needs to know that I’m drinking this adorable coffee in San Diego? No one needs to know I’m having this marg on the porch while eating guac (omg, heaven btw). 

No, they really really don’t.