This Age

I remember when I used to talk about turning 30.

I said that if I was still single and not fully settled, I would sell all of my belongings and travel the world.

lol.

Now, as many of my friends reach this milestone, and my own gets closer each day — I can’t help but laugh when I think of everything I thought this age would be.

I’m still single, and I’m definitely not fully settled. I don’t own my own business or have a house, I don’t even have a dog. When I think about “selling all of my belongings and traveling the world”, I realize my earnings from my hypothetical yard sale would probably get me about half way across the country.

While I’m insanely clear on so many things I want in my life, while I am so confident and sure of who I am and who I am becoming in certain aspects, I, at the same time, realize there are so many things I still don’t know. Realize there are so many things I’m still finding out — so many questions that are left unanswered.

I guess I thought that everything would be a little more clear by now — a little more solidified — a little more settled.

It’s funny the way life works like that. I’ve spent my whole life intricately planning my next move — knowing with 100 percent certainty what that would look like. Now, as I approach my 30th year, the year I thought I would have it the most figured out, I have what is probably the most unclear picture of “what’s next” yet. While I have pieces of the picture of my future clearly painted, there are other pieces that are still quite a blur. Pieces that are the least figured out yet.

But maybe that’s what this age is about. Maybe it’s about realizing that life isn’t always meant to be perfectly planned or known — that life isn’t always meant to be painted in advance. Maybe this time is about learning to let go of the need to know it all or to have it all — maybe it’s instead about doing the best you can to go after what you do know, and letting the rest come to you. Letting the picture of your life evolve as you do, move as you move — change direction as you do. Maybe it’s about, quite simply, getting out there and then… letting life come to you.