Life 2.0

I never fully knew what moving to the city was supposed to teach me. Better yet, I never knew what years of pining for something different, bigger — better was supposed to teach me. I never knew what years of feeling like what I had wasn’t enough — of feeling like what I was wasn’t enough — was supposed to teach me.

Years ago, I was the person that never felt content. I felt I needed to hop on every new trend to be worthy and feel whole — whether that be fashion, diet, city, lifestyle or career. I spent money, wasted days of my life planning my next move, lived in my head instead of in the world. I was the person that needed to be in a constant state of near-stress in order to feel like she was doing “enough.”

As time as went on, as I made moves both geographically, in my career, in relationships, and within myself — I grew out of that way of living.

During the past year and half in particular, I drastically changed the way I think about myself, others, and the world for the better.

And very recently, I reached a level of contentness I haven’t felt in years. Happy with who I am, who I was, and who I’m trying to be. And it’s not because I have it all figured out or know exactly what my path will look like — it’s because I trust myself to make decisions and learn from those decisions along the way. It’s because I know enough about what I want in my life to guide me, but I also know enough to know that I can’t control all the details of what that will look like — nor would I ever want to.

And truly, it’s because I know that no matter what, all we have is right now — all that matters is where we are today. All that matters is what we choose to do and how we choose to view today.

I’ve reached this place where I know what’s important to me. It’s not the clothes or the next diet fad or the huge career (though those career goals will always remain). It’s not looking good on paper or going out or gaining external validation from people in things that never mattered in the first place. It’s not going so fast I don’t have time to think or spending hours on my computer/phone as I try to remain relevant & seen.

What I was supposed to learn over the years is that what I want doesn’t come in a package or a job title or a specific city. It comes in moments with my loved ones. It comes in evening walks and weekends away from my phone and slowing down and not needing all the extravagant things. For me, it’s comes in living calm and acting like an idiot for no reason and being outside and moving and laughing and cooking and smiling and staying positive about it all and taking it all in. It’s comes in consuming less and living more.

It comes in living, not a life filled with things, but a life fulfilled with moments.