The Reason I Stopped

A couple months ago, I shared a piece regarding my binge eating disorder, anxiety, and depression. My plan had been to become an advocate for mental health and these struggles specifically. 

That had been my plan. 

Here's what happened instead. 

I wrote that piece in September or so of 2017. Upon reading it, you'd think it was about a girl about to come out of her struggles, maybe even about a girl already out of them. 

The truth is, it wasn't.

I really thought it was, though. I thought I was "good" — done with this part of me. 

But I wasn't.

I had planned on beginning to learn and share more about people that struggle with these things, to share more about my story and what I've dealt with. 

But I that wasn't my story to tell. 

Not at the time — not even today. 

Not yet. 

I was listening to a podcast on my way to work (I wish I could share it here but for the life of me I cannot remember which one), and the very successful motivational speaker being interviewed, Lisa Nichols, said something that really stuck. 

She said that she doesn't tell experiences she's still dealing with, because she doesn't have the right perspective when she's still struggling. 

The truth about my health, is that I still struggle today. After writing that piece and sharing that piece I thought it was over, but the battle was really just beginning. 

So for right now, I don't necessarily feel comfortable sharing that part of me, because who am I to give advice when I still struggle?

The thing about me, is that I'm excellent at dishing out advice all day long, but I somehow always forget to fill up my own plate.

And I can't do that anymore.

One day, maybe, I'll be an advocate for these things and share more around no-shame and getting help, but right now, right now I need to help me. 

It's as simple as that. 

I'm not ready. 

--

Alright, now that I've gotten through the dramatic portion of this program, let me update you on my life, if you're still there. 

Life, actually, is going great. I took my job in Boston without visiting in person, and boy did I get lucky. Great people, great opportunity, great culture, great neighborhood. I hit the jackpot on this one and things couldn't be going better in my 9 to 5 career. As for personal "passion projects," I'm working on my book and actually making some progress there, which has been thrilling to say the least. I'm working on a couple freelance gigs for people doing cool stuff, which is always nice. I'm thinking about starting to blog fo real, but haven't quite decided. I've stepped back a bit from social media which was a nice getaway for my heart and soul, as my biggest goal of 2018 is to simply live presently. 

Aside from that, I'm focused on my health. I had a friend write me a workout plan tailored to my goals, that ISN'T insane, and I'm working on healthy choices for my body and mind. 

To say I'm a work in progress is an understatement (read drama above), but all the best masterpieces once were I would say. 

Thanks for being around, I find myself homesick for Nevada and Montana more often than I thought — but it's all part of this learning process I suppose.