Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the quickly approaching graduation date, or maybe it’s the “grown up” things I’ve been doing lately (i.e. not over-drafting my bank account). Whatever the cause, nostalgia has been the farthest thing from a stranger the past few days. The classic nostalgia symptoms have set in. I have looked at old photos, reached out to old friends, “creeped” on old acquaintances’ social mediums (although those are pretty ambiguous, apparently not everyone posts as much as me… surprising I know).
I have thought about who I used to be, who I have been and who I have become. I’ve remembered the simple times, and I’ve remembered the more complicated. I’ve looked at different decisions I have made and where they have led me.
I’ve also thought a lot about who I want to become.
It’s sometimes surreal looking back on certain memories- it’s almost difficult to put yourself back into your own shoes.
It’s also easy to look back and wish that you were still wearing them.
I’m an advocate for personal growth and change. I fully believe in bettering yourself and making changes to lead a happier life.
However, sometimes it’s not about changing into someone new, but remembering who you were, who you are and who you’ve always been.
Getting a little off track in life isn’t a bad thing. Branching out, trying new things and taking chances helps you figure out the type of person you want to be. Not being the person you want to be at all times in your life teaches you about who you'd like to be in the future. And you'll always remember who you really are.
No, I am not the same person I was six years ago. No, my ambitions are not the same as they were when I was 12. No, I am not the self-conscious girl I was two years ago.
But parts of you will always remain in tact. Whether it’s your values, your standards, your favorite color or your weird laugh, you will always be you, and you will always see glimpses of who you have always been.
That being said, what you take with you and what you leave behind is entirely up to you.
As I started looking back, I missed the girl I used to be. The girl that was so driven. The girl that wanted to be a professional ballet dancer and would do anything it took to get there. The girl that valued family, friends and personal standards so greatly. I missed her. But I don't anymore.
She's always been there and I see her in the person I am becoming, the person I was always meant to be.
That person by the way, is far from perfect.
I will always be the girl that dreams big and worries even bigger, and I’m okay with that.