Just a Hug
Just a hug. Sometimes, that's all it takes.
Anyone that follows me on any social media platforms or has caught a glimpse of me speed walking with a purpose around town as of late (generally looking like a lost soul torn between wanting to be a corporate professional and wanting to drop everything to backpack through Europe i.e. heels, blazer and an overly stuffed North Face backpack) knows that the past few months have been a whirlwind of excitement and improvement for me.
It has also, however, been testing. I love what I do and every responsibility I have in my life. I love waking up early. I love my to-do lists. I love being the first one to work in the morning. I love working hard on a project and receiving recognition (who doesn't). I love writing, reading, learning and working with others. I love setting myself up for a bright future, I love it all.
But I also love the people in my life.
Transitions are hard.
Transitioning from one lifestyle and into a new one is anything but easy (now introducing... ruts). It's not easy to break habits, to change your way of thinking.
It hasn't been easy to transition whilst remaining in the same setting. It's been hard to explain to friends and family different reasonings for my choices. It's been hard to articulate my love for my work and obligations.
It hasn't been easy to explain that I don't need to participate in the same activities I once did (mostly- going out multiple times in one week), in order to be the same person I always have been.
Along the way I have lost touch with some friends. I haven't been around, haven't called, haven't been able to do certain things because of my schedule and my goals.
It's been hard to create a mutual understanding amidst the transition, and so, it's been easier not to try.
It was easy to stop calling. It was easy to accept that others didn't get it. It was easy to think the worst and move on. That part was easy. What was hard, was seeing my friend pool slowly evaporate right in front of me.
But that's the thing, it wasn't evaporating at all.
This weekend, I knew I had to go out for a friend's birthday.
I was semi-dreading it the entire week prior.
I didn't have the time. I didn't have the energy to stay up that late. I didn't want to be bombarded with comments about my being out for once, my excessive social media use, or my need to have a good time (really, I'm fine). I just didn't really want to go.
Sometimes, a hug is all it takes.
Just a hug.
I went out, as I knew I would, and as the night went along I saw faces of people I hadn't seen in too long. People I was once inseparable with. People that I had grown apart from in the past few months.
I made up my mind that I was going to have a good time.
I fell back into the mold of my friend group and the person I had always been around them flawlessly- something I hadn't been able to do for awhile. I laughed, I let go of my insecurities and to-do list (only because it was fully checked off) and hugged the people I cared about.
It was, for a lack of better vocabulary, awesome. I had missed my friends.
Amidst my transition, I had taken the easy way out. I had accepted that people just didn't get it.
In twenty years, you probably won't have all of the same friends you have today, and that's not bad a thing. It isn't a bad thing to grow out of friendships and to develop new ones.
However there are certain people in your life that will always be there. They're the ones that probably make fun of you the most. They're the ones that might not always get it, but that's okay because they're there to try. They're the ones that show up when it counts.
They're the ones that deserved more credit than I gave them.
They're the ones that give you just one hug, and remind you of who you are and who've you've always been. The ones that help you remember why you're here-to love, be loved and to have a hell of a good time (even if that means waking up at 6 a.m. every morning to drink coffee and read the news- personal preference).