Cheers

It's a blessing and a curse, being a writer. 

I think it means you think a little deeper. You process a little more. You over analyze a little bit. 

And that, is why we write. I'm not sure how I even functioned prior to finding writing. It is the only way I can calm myself down in times of confusion, times of strife. 

It is the only way I can figure things out and accept why different things are happening. 

I didn't begin writing this way until my early twenties. I think the reason I did was because that is the time in your life that you are the most confused. You are on the brink of becoming an "adult" (whatever that even means), people are telling you the world is your oyster, you are trying to figure out what you want to do, you are branding yourself, making sure your resume is perfect, trying to live up to the expectation others set for you - the expectation you set for yourself. 

It's pretty exhausting. 

And so I began to write. 

I began to understand the value in hardship, different lessons, and hard work. I began to figure life out one day at a time through writing it out, through feeling it out. 

I am now 24, employed, and adulting pretty hard. 

And guess what? 

I still don't have it figured out. 

I recently came to a halt. 

I realized that I was tired. 

Tired of branding myself, tired of making sure I am seen as the fancy business person I am, tired of planning my future, changing my mind, and then planning again.

I am simply tired. 

There are a million things you could do with your life. That fact in itself is overwhelming to someone striving to live up to high expectations.

I think I'm tired of trying to make sure I "do big things" with my life. I'm tired of fearing that I will not accomplish what I was put here to do. 

Because the fact is, if I impact even one person through my writing, through a conversation, or through anything else - then I will have done enough. 

You see, if I had it all figured out, I would have nothing to write about...and that would be devastating in of itself.

So cheers to no plans. Cheers to living each day. Cheers to writing. And cheers to not having it all figured out.

Just, cheers, god dammit.