I could hear the frustration in her voice as she spoke, "I want to slap you sometimes."
Funny, yes. But serious, more.
"You continue to go for what you want and get it, but somehow it's never enough."
To this, I said, "it's enough. I'm not enough."
The fact is, I've never really failed that insanely hard at anything. I'm sure I'll smack my face on the pavement tomorrow for saying this, and I expect some failures throughout my life, but the truth is, I haven't really done that yet.
Not too bad, anyway.
Yet, for some reason, I bash myself to the point of oblivion.
If I get a job, well then I need a promotion. If I get a promotion, well then I need another. If I move to a city, well then I better start looking at what I can do to use my time here correctly - to optimize and to transform.
If I do anything, I don't realize it.
I don't see my accomplishments for what they are.
Duh, I have an apartment. Duh, I have a good job. Duh, I write a blog.
No, not "duh."
Somewhere along the way I decided that no matter what I do, I could be doing better. That no matter what I do, it's not "cool" enough to talk about, share, and be proud of.
Nothing is ever good enough to be proud of.
You've read blogs like this, I've talked to the edge of my rope about this (not the right phrase but you get it).
I'm pretty done with this.
I don't know what will happen if I wake up in thirty years and realize that this life I was trying to run from was mine.
But I sure as hell don't want that day to be in thirty years.
I want that day to be today.
The phrase, "I am enough," is a little too cliche for my liking, and, to be honest, I don't know that it holds enough "umph."
Because I am more than enough. What I am doing is more than enough.
Why the f*** can't I get it through my mind that my life is more than enough?
I don't know.
But I'm going to find out why.
Tired of hearing me discuss the same things over and over again? Me too. But I think that's part of the human condition so deal with it or don't.