Before I moved across the country, I told everyone I wasn't worried.
Well, that's not entirely true. I told them I wasn't worried about making friends, being homesick — being happy.
What was I worried about? My job, finding an apartment — making enough money.
I knew, that as soon as I felt good about my job and found a place to live — once I had my budget set and felt in control — then I would be happy, not scared — not worried.
So, when did I feel good about my job? Day 3. When did I find a place to live? Day 20.
When did I have my budget under control? Day 1.
The fears I had, were the logistical, superficial ones. The ones for "survival." What I forgot, is to trust myself.
I'm an extremely planned, conscientious, strategic person (like, I accidentally payed my rent twice and screwed myself over, conscientious).
Why I thought I was moving somewhere without a good plan for survival in finances, career, and shelter, I do not know.
I forgot to trust myself and my plans.
But what I forgot the most, is the people I was leaving behind.
I was worried about my job, finding apartment — making enough money.
I "wasn't worried" about making friends, being homesick — being happy.
I was wrong.
I always had the tools to do well in my career, handle my finances and the necessities of life — but what I forgot was how hard this was going to be personally.
Leaving what you've known for 25 years — leaving a coast, a way of living, a certain type of air. Leaving the loved ones you had, the 30+ people that showed up to brunch to say goodbye, the people that sent you Christmas cards and continued to check-in.
I forgot how hard that would be.
It's lonely, moving. It's tough, finding your way in a new place. It's hard, moving somewhere and not being certain it's where you belong.
It's tough — but it's worth it.
Because these lessons, they're priceless. These lessons, I needed to live them.
What matters in life?