Worried

Before I moved across the country, I told everyone I wasn't worried.

Well, that's not entirely true. I told them I wasn't worried about making friends, being homesick — being happy. 

What was I worried about? My job, finding an apartment — making enough money. 

I knew, that as soon as I felt good about my job and found a place to live — once I had my budget set and felt in control — then I would be happy, not scared — not worried. 

So, when did I feel good about my job? Day 3. When did I find a place to live? Day 20. 

When did I have my budget under control? Day 1. 

The fears I had, were the logistical, superficial ones. The ones for "survival." What I forgot, is to trust myself. 

I'm an extremely planned, conscientious, strategic person (like, I accidentally payed my rent twice and screwed myself over, conscientious). 

Why I thought I was moving somewhere without a good plan for survival in finances, career, and shelter, I do not know. 

I forgot to trust myself and my plans. 

But what I forgot the most, is the people I was leaving behind. 

I was worried about my job, finding apartment — making enough money. 

I "wasn't worried" about making friends, being homesick — being happy. 

I was wrong. 

I always had the tools to do well in my career, handle my finances and the necessities of life — but what I forgot was how hard this was going to be personally. 

Leaving what you've known for 25 years — leaving a coast, a way of living, a certain type of air. Leaving the loved ones you had, the 30+ people that showed up to brunch to say goodbye, the people that sent you Christmas cards and continued to check-in. 

I forgot how hard that would be. 

It's lonely, moving. It's tough, finding your way in a new place. It's hard, moving somewhere and not being certain it's where you belong. 

It's tough — but it's worth it. 

Because these lessons, they're priceless. These lessons, I needed to live them. 

What matters in life? 

The people. 

Loved ones.

Your home.