One way ticket to Boston

People in my life saw me struggling for quite some time. 

They knew I was searching for the next thing, wondering when I would get to the "happiness" place I so desired. 

When I got my chance to buy a one way ticket to Boston, they — we — thought it was the ticket. 

"This is it for you." 

"This is what you needed."

"You've accomplished your hopes and dreams."

And while these things are true, while this big change has been a critical component in my life and my growth — I think it's important to point something out. 

You will never be happy until you fix what is going on inside.

You will never be able to stop, smell the roses, and really experience your life and your accomplishments until you realize you are exactly where you need to be. 

I don't know what I thought. That the person I was when I walked on the plane would be a completely different person than the one that walked off. That my insecurities, struggles, and faults would leave me as I navigated a new place. 

That I would be different — better than before.

The truth is, when I got here, I worried that my greatest fear had come true. The fear that once I hit the goals I was yearning for, I still wouldn't be happy. That I would live an entire lifetime wondering when the next thing was going to come. 

That I would live an entire lifetime wondering when I would be ready.

I was planning my next big thing. I was setting new goals and new plans. I wasn't, just, enjoying myself and my life. 

"Remember when this was what you wanted." 

These words rang through my head as I read them on the screen. 

"Remember when this was what you wanted."

Remember when you desired this so badly you couldn't help but scream. Remember when you stayed up late night after night working toward this goal. 

"Remember when this was what you wanted."

I think it's important for us, all of us, to remember that we don't always need more. We don't need to look at buying a house after we buy a car, growing our hair out after we cut it, publishing a book after we start a blog. 

I think it's important to remember to enjoy each season, each stepping stone of life. 

I think it's important to be present with your dreams, your hopes — your fears. 

I think it's important to work on what's inside.

I'm happy I'm here, I'm happy for what I have accomplished, and I'm happy to have gone through what I have. 

I'm happy, because I have learned this.

I have learned that my flight to Boston wasn't my ticket to happiness.

I was my ticket. 

I have always been my ticket.