How Do We Stop Sabotaging?

I’ve been a pretty big “funk” lately — on and off for about the last 8 months. Truly, a lot of my mid to late twenties have been spent in and out of “funks”. As you can imagine, this can be tiring.

Last night as I went to sleep, I did something. It sounds cheesy, mostly because it is, but I asked the universe/God/whatever you believe in — for a lesson. I asked for a direction or an event or a sign to help get me to wherever it is that I need to be.

At some point after this, as I dozed in and out of sleep — I for some reason started thinking about why I get into “funks”. And really, I started thinking about why I tend to sabotage myself and my life. I realized that there are a few reasons. Some that I had thought about previously, such as 1) not believing in more for yourself or identifying with the higher version of you & therefore bringing yourself back to the version you believe, 2) being terrified that you’ll go for what you want and then not be successful at getting it, and 3) being scared that what you want won’t bring you the happiness you think it will — the happiness you need.

But there were a couple of reasons I had never thought about before.

I think part of why I put myself through the same things over and over again — part of why I can’t seem to get out of my own way — is because I’m scared of what will happen when I do get the things I want.

I’m not scared of what will happen if I don’t accomplish my dreams — I’m scared of what will happen if I do.

What I haven’t thought about before, is two-fold.

First, I’m scared of the life I’ll have to leave behind if and when I do start living the life I know I am capable of living. I’m comfortable right now. I know what I’m doing right now. I know my life right now. Thinking about even remotely or largely changing that? That’s scary.

Second, and probably the most prominant, is that I’m scared of getting what I want — of becoming who I want to be — because I’m scared of losing it. You see some of the things I want to go after or become in my life are so important to me, that the thought of getting them and then having the possibility of losing them scares the living shit out of me. Making myself that vulnerable is terrifying to me — so I don’t. That’s scary.

Because I’ve been there. I’ve been close to the best version of myself, I’ve started achieving my goals, I’ve felt the momentum — and then I’ve lost it. I’ve lost it because I’ve sabotaged each time I’ve gotten close. And every time that I lose it again, it hurts a little worse — it hurts a little worse because I thought I had it.

I thought I achieved it.

And then I lost it.

What I realized this morning as I reflected on this, is this: yes, losing what you want after you get it would hurt immensely. It would be horrible, hard — unimaginable. But never having it in the first place because you were too scared to try? That would hurt worse.

And so, if we find ourselves self-sabotaging from time to time — if we find ourselves getting into “funks” — I think we need to do this: I think we need to believe in more for ourselves. I think we need to do that by making small promises to ourselves and keeping them — as showing up as the person we are trying to be. I think we need to let go of the fear of failing at our dreams — because if we don’t try at all — we’re failing anyway. I think we need to stop being scared of getting what we want and not truly being happy once we get it — because even if that does happen — it will bring us closer to finding out what will make us happy, by eliminating what won’t. I think we need to begin getting comfortable with the unknown — with being okay with letting things come into our life as we grow, and being even more okay with letting things go.

And lastly, and probably most importantly, I think we need to stop being so scared of getting hurt, that we never go for what we want in the first place. I think we need to stop playing it so safe. I think we need to stop shielding ourselves from the pain that taking action could cause us, by slowly hurting ourselves through inaction every day.

I think this is how we stop self-sabotaging and start living to the potential of who we could be — who we should be — every day.