Comparison

I’m a 29 year old girl (woman?). I live in the middle of a major city 2,549 miles away from home. I have roommate and we rent a two bedroom apartment with a dishwasher that makes me use choice words every time I open it, due to the fact that the tray is off the tracks or doesn’t have tracks?? We don’t know. I’m single, and have been single for a majority of my adult life. I have no pets and no car. As of late, I’ve been working remotely and living for half the year in Montana, and half the year in Boston (see: major city far from home.)

My friends are getting engaged, saving for and buying houses, getting married, getting dogs — planning for families.

My life looks a little different than some 29 year olds. My friend and I joke that being single this long and living a bit more “temporarily” than “permanently” or I suppose without a ton of roots, feels a lot like you’re the friend on a trip with a bunch of couples and so you take the couch to sleep — all the time.

And none of these things are bad things, they just are.

They are my life — how I am currently living my life.

My main focuses right now, and have been for some time, are: bettering myself, being there for my friends and family, working on my career, and dating here and there (ugh @ modern dating.)

I often feel lost. I see my friends, family, and people I barely know (thanks social media) out there meeting the loves of their lives, starting their dream businesses, buying houses — having kids. As I see them out there, I begin to question what I have in here — within myself. I begin to question the choices I’ve made and the areas I have chosen to focus on and continue to choose to focus on.

As I begin to question myself I also begin to think I need to change every single thing right now. That I need to figure it all out that day. I begin to think I need a complete life overhaul or drastic shifts. I begin to think I need to move away from who I am in order to be someone else — that I need to stop being “me”.

And I’m not alone. We all compare ourselves. Wonder if what we’re doing is right. Wonder if what we’re doing is wrong. We question our choices and what we want. When we compare too much, we begin to dislike the life we have built, only thinking of the lives of others.

What if we didn’t?

I got tired of this the other day. I got tired of being so confused and lost all of the time when truly, I’m living the life I had always wanted. Do I want to launch some ideas I have? Sure I do. Do I want to meet the love of my life? Who doesn’t? Do I want to get a dog? Hell yes I do. Do I want to buy a house in Montana? Um… duh.

But I don’t need all of those things right now, today.

And so I took some inventory. I thought about the things that I am in control of in my life, and the things that are outside of my control. I thought about the things I’m not happy with, and the things that I am. I thought about the plans I have in place to change the things I can control. Then, I thought about the areas I find myself envious of in others. Their businesses? Their houses? Their relationships? Their clothes? What is it? From there, I figured out where I wanted to prioritize.

And guess what.

My main focuses right now — where I want to focus now — are: bettering myself, being there for my friends and family, working on my career, and dating here and there (ugh @ modern dating.)

Okay, not so much dating, but I guess I’ll stay “out there”.

I realized that the things I’m working on and the plans I have in place are exactly what I want to be doing. And the other stuff? It doesn’t need to all be accomplished today. It doesn’t even need to be worked toward today.

Focus.

Contentment.

Blinders on.

This is where I want to be. This is where I want us all to be. So stop scrolling, stop comparing — stop questioning. Trust your gut, your instincts, and your heart (wow are we really this cheesy?) to guide you.

They won’t let you down.