Calm.

I think a part of me used to crave the chaos. To crave the list of things to do and places to see.

Now I crave the calm.

I crave the time and the space to explore what lights me up. I crave the time and the space to read a book, drink a coffee, write an entry — be still.

And it’s not that I crave doing less or accomplishing less — it’s that I crave doing the right things — striving to accomplish what I actually want and need.

You see my to do list is still long. My list of ideas and things I want to do still voluminous. But the difference now is that I’m doing things that I want to do. I’ve stripped away the excess. Because I want to wake up on a Saturday morning and write. I want to spend two hours walking to a coffee shop and back on a Sunday morning. I want to cook a meal and plan out my week and plan an amazing trip. I have let go of the excess — of the made up items to check off and the made up stress to feel.

I crave people that make me feel whole and at ease. Done are the days of being more attracted to someone if I don’t know how they feel about me. Done are the days of feeling the need to act a certain way in order to be accepted — to be liked. I crave people that root for me. I crave people that feel easy. I crave people that come into my life and stay, not because they have to or because they need to in order to feel whole — but because they want to.

I crave peace of mind. I’m no longer interested in being around anxiety inducing situations or people. I’m interested in people that lift me up. People that, when I tell them my hopes for the future, ask me what I’m going to do this week to get closer.

I crave stillness. I crave clarity. I crave a life shed of excess. I crave the time and the space to explore what lights me up. I crave the time and the space to read a book, drink a coffee, write an entry — be still. I crave the feeling of grass beneath my feet and wind whipping against my cheeks. I crave a morning filled with a candle burning and music playing softly. I crave mornings spent walking and evenings spent sitting on the porch.

I crave calm. I crave anything and anyone that brings me closer to that.